To Whom It May Concern:

Most beleaguering Ms. Amlen,

Recently we, being the three of us (henceforth referred to as the Three Shillelaghs), decided to take a trip. We ventured south from our native Ohio, specifically Cleveland, although such facts are hardly relevant to the complaint at hand. The trip ended at Shillelagh #1’s family property in Virginia. We had been lost several times and were ready for a nice evening. Unfortunately we had the misfortune to open BUST magazine were we started completing your crossword puzzle. What a massive crock of festering turds. This puzzle was the most absurd thing any of us had ever seen. None of the clues were either a) possible or b) clever. Had they been one or the other we would have acquiesced to your expertise. But they weren’t. Support group referring to what we can only assume is “bros” or “bras”? One answer of which is asinine the other morbidly unclever. We later wondered if this could refer to bris. However, if it does, you need a dictionary. We are still unclear as to what the answer of this question may be. And what, exactly, is your fascination with using abbreviated acronyms. This is most decidedly unfair in crossword puzzles as the person is not deciphering a word but rather a string of unrelated letters. Shaded spots? Fuck off. And what kind of clue is “I” lid? It reeks of undeserved intelligence. The answer is just embarrassing. The question about Margaret Sanger we will give you, as even though we could not initially remember her name such knowledge is not beyond that of a normal human being. The Dorian Gray question was a small sheen of brilliance, but sadly the only one present in this puzzle. By the way what the fuck is a Mao Jacket?

We will give you a small benefit of doubt, as you obviously have quite a career working for the New York Times, Washington Post, BUST, and the Onion’s AV Club, and imagine you were out of your mind when you wrote this particular puzzle, but you’ve caused three relatively young and reasonably happy people want to commit suicide. We can only imagine you have a penchant for schadenfreude.

Luckily we were out of toilet paper and thankfully then had something to use.

Sit on it. You are, as apparently you would say, a female dickhead.


The Three Shillelaghs.


About Lindsay

I have a C'est Moi page, you should probably just read that.
This entry was posted in To Whom It May Concern and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to To Whom It May Concern:

  1. kittenkaboom says:


  2. Lindsay says:

    Thank you, Lauren, for the explanation. I mean, one could assume that it’s the sort of jacket that Mao wore. But I would imagine you could see how frustrating that might come across in a crossword puzzle.

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