I Spend Too Much Time On the Internet So You May As Well See What I Do With My Time.

I like the internet. I really am not entirely sure how I got along before it. Two years ago, for some reason, K was filling out one of those MySpace quiz things (way back when people still used MySpace) and one of the questions was what I was doing at that precise moment. She said something along the lines of “Either driving around the greater Cleveland area or looking up random information on the internet”. The former was true, but I am sure the later came into play at some point that day. I’m an obsessive Googler. I look everything up, I like looking everything up. But sometimes I just like being entertained with slices of hilarity that are provided for me on a series of websites that specialize is doing just that. So, I thought I’d whip up a list for you, humble reader, in case you get bored yourself.

11 Points

I am a fan of lists, and 11 Points is filled with them. Literally, I mean… they’re lists with eleven points. Like David Letterman’s Top Ten lists only, well, you know… funny. And they are funny. I first came across 11 Amazing Fake ‘Harry Potter’ Books Written In China and I laughed so hard that I thought I had pulled something in my ribs. Not all of them are loud out loud funny, but most of them are. Actually, this site is what inspired me to make this list to begin with; not the fact that it is list, but rather because I nearly busted a gut with today’s offering of 11 Strategies For Having Sex With Your Friend Or Teammate’s Mom, which read sort of like a How To guide and had the result of me really, really wishing I had written it. That doesn’t happen too often.

Tots & Crafts

[Note: *Sigh!* It seems that the powers that be at the Cheezburger Network have turned this into a bunch of lame baby amusements that aren’t remotely amusing. You can still find a little bit of the hilarious artwork, but it takes some sorting through. Very annoying.]

You know when you come across kid’s art? And it’s terrible. And everything is spelled improperly, but you can sort of make out what it says if you speak each letter out loud. Sometimes there’s gross stale pasta glued to the front and the people are pictured with a head and no body but arms sprouting from where the ears should be? You know, the type that parents coo over and plaster on their refrigerators to show to their entirely unimpressed, and probably bored, friends so they can coo too. This website is pretty much a bunch of those, and they are hilarious. Kids are ridiculous human beings. It’s too bad that most people grow out of that.

Plus, there are things like this:

Texts from Last Night

I think most people know about this website, and if you don’t you haven’t been around much. They have a book and everything now, but then again who (that has a semi-popular submission based website) doesn’t? But anyway, you know when you’re drunk off your ass and you decide it would be the best idea ever to text all sorts of people saying either the most boring stuff on the planet or the most embarrassing? Okay, now someone takes that ridiculous text an then posts it on the internet. Then you have Texts from Last Night. Some of them are inane, but most of them are flat out ridiculously funny. It’s like reading your Twitter feed without knowing any of the people and if all the tweets were filled with depravity. Besides, who doesn’t like reading people making fools of themselves?


(915): I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): dumbass I drove… you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

Hark! A Vagrant

Hark! A Vagrant is the online comic website of Kate Beaton. You can read her bio on her website. There are a lot of online comics out there; Cyanide and Happiness is amusing, and how could I not love Dinosaur Comics? But Hark! A Vagrant is my favorite. It’s funny, yes, but the thing I like about it the most is that it’s smart and it’s as obscure as I am. I love the historical comics. I think most people who read Hark! A Vagrant love the historical comics, so I’ll just lump myself in with the crowd. What can I say, I like randomness and I like History, so I love historical figures doing random things.

comic by K. Beaton

The Onion

Way to add a cliche, I suppose; The Onion is another one that everyone knows about, but that doesn’t make it any less amazing. I think that writing for them would probably be my dream job for the shear fact that I would love making up ridiculous things and formatting them as legitimate news. Honestly though, who wouldn’t? I don’t read The Onion everyday; I try and wait until I have a bit of a backlog so that I can scour through to find the ones that really make me laugh. Like this or this or about six hundred other examples that would take far too much time to post on here. Oh, but there was that one about the Mars Rover being depressed that immediately made me wish I knew someone who could appreciate the humor in it with me. But anyway, you get the point.

Lamebook & Failbook

I’m on Facebook. I once said at a party that I think everyone should be on Facebook. Not so I can make sure to see your sonogram pictures or know that you’re a fan of Snooki’s bump-it, but rather because it helps me know that all those people from my past are still out there somewhere. I can keep a link to a lot of the people I’ve known and lost throughout my life. Even better; the sort of link that I don’t have to work very hard to maintain. So yes, I have Facebook. And because I have Facebook I know how incredibly ridiculous people’s status updates and comments can be. Whether it be through typo or word confusion or people being just plain dumb there are so many statuses that are just so (probably unintentionally) funny. Of course most of the hilarious status updates aren’t made by my friends, so I have to turn to either Lamebook or Failbook… which are pretty much exactly the same thing. I love it when people dig their own holes and then have to live in them cause they just can’t seem to get out.

Of course there’s my endless time looking up random things on Wikipedia and The Internet Movie Database and all those sorts of things that everyone checks constantly to find out little pieces of information. I’m not sure people get quite as lost in them as I do; but they still don’t bear writing down. Yeah, there’s a million websites out there, and I am sure I scour them a lot too, but these are the ones that I always come back to, and always find a laugh.


About Lindsay

I have a C'est Moi page, you should probably just read that.
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